That’s a laugh

Off the charts
Q. Before you had the injections, on a scale of zero to 10 what would you say your back pain was?
A. Well, it’s different all the time. It could be a 6, it could be a 15. It just depends.
Q. On a scale of zero to 10 it ranges between a 6 and a 15?
A. Sometimes it’s above 10. I really, really, really, really go through a lot of pain on some days.
Alan Turboff, RPR
Houston, Texas

Charmed, I’m sure
BY MR. BRIDGES:
Q. Okay. And once you started receiving the Social Security disability, did that change the amount that you received on Worker’s Compensation when you were receiving it?
A. No.
Q. It stayed the same?
A. (Nodding.)
MR. GRALNICK: You have to say “yes.”
A. Yes, yes, yes, yes.
You were mesmerizing. I was into you. I was feeling you.
MR. BRIDGES: I’m used to it. I have that effect on people. I wish I had that effect on women.
Helga Lavan, RPR
Hicksville, N.Y.

Zill-who?
Q. You put your residence in La Jolla on here at $4 million?
A. Yes.
Q. Did you have an appraisal that justified that?
A. Yes.
Q. How close in time to August 24, 2011, was the appraisal?
A. It was on August 23.
Q. The appraisal was August 23?
A. I don’t remember. It’s pretty close. I’m being facetious. Pardon me.
Q. Well, my question was not a facetious question. For what it’s worth, Zillow estimates the value of your house at this time at about $3 million.
A. Who?
Q. Zillow.
A. Who’s Zillow?
Q. Never mind.
Clay J. Frazier, RMR, CRR
Los Angeles, Calif.

Memory
Q. So there isn’t a single sentence of this for which you are solely responsible, in terms of drafting it?
A. I can’t be 100 percent sure of that.
Q. What would make you a hundred percent sure?
A. I can’t remember.
Q. Well, this was in March, right, of 2013?
A. Correct.
Q. And you would agree with me that’s not so many months ago?
A. Correct.
Q. When was your birthday?
A. Twenty-sixth of April.
Q. Okay. What year were you born?
A. 1978.
Q. So nobody’s ever accused you of having memory problems, have they?
A. I don’t remember.
Q. Touche, touche.
Allison H. Wilcox, RPR, CCR
Atlanta, Ga.

Some hobby …
Q. What is it you told Mr. Noble that he found so interesting that you are now here on a writ?
A. I looked at Mr. Noble, and I said, “What happened?” He said, “I got told on by Denzel.” I said, “That’s crazy.” I said, “You’re a sports guy. You play ball.” I said, “You don’t look like someone that just does stuff like that. You play ball, right?”
Q. Right.
A. He said, “Yeah, I play football. I was going for a scholarship. I was going to go down to Georgia.” I said, “Oh, that’s what I thought. That’s what I was hearing. I’m shocked that you are in jail.” He said, “Yeah, Fisher told on me.” And then it dawned on me, I said, “Well, I had a conversation with Fisher.” He said, “Well, what was that?” I said, “Well, I don’t want to talk to you about it, man. I don’t think it’s really my place.” And just took off from there.
Q. So you say he’s a sports guy, man. Just trying to play some ball and maybe even had a scholarship. He liked to play football. Did you know he also liked to rob banks?
A. I don’t know him like that, sir, to know what his hobbies are, if that’s what you want to call it.
Q. Okay. I don’t know if that’s a hobby or not, but I’ll accept that.
A. Doesn’t sound like one, sir.
Vicki L.W. Hartmetz, RPR, CLVS, CRI
Centennial, Colo.

Gotta go, go, go!
Q. You did not go to the hearing?
A. Yes. It was a phone conversation.
Q. Okay. Based on the phone conversation —
A. Yes.
Q. — you did not go to the hearing?
A. Uh-huh.
Q. Okay. All right.
COURT REPORTER: You have to say “yes” or “no.”
BY MS. ATTORNEY:
Q. Was — was that a “yes”?
COUR REPORTER: “Based on the phone conversation” —
BY MS. ATTORNEY:
Q. Based on a phone conversation with Mr. X, you did not go to the hearing?
A. Oh, no, I didn’t. No.
Q. Is that correct, though?
A. Wait. No, I didn’t go to the hearing, you mean? Yeah, no.
Q. Let’s break it down. You did not go to the hearing, correct?
A. No. I mean – I’m sorry, yes, I didn’t go to the hearing, yes.
Q. Okay.
A. That was a little –
Q. And you testified –
A. I have to go the bathroom, that’s why.
MS. ATTORNEY: All right. Let’s take a break.
MR. ATTORNEY: We can take a break, if it will make the answers line up.
THE WITNESS: Sorry about that.
MR. ATTORNEY: That’s fine. If you need to take a break, let’s take a break. You know where the bathroom is.
– – –
(A short recess was taken.)
– – –
MR. ATTORNEY: Let me clarify that she didn’t go.
MS. ATTORNEY: Okay.
THE WITNESS: Yeah.
Kim Montalvo, RPR
Mount Laurel, N.J.

TMI
Q. Okay. Have you ever been subject to discipline of any kind, of any sort, at any time?
A. I was spanked when I was in fifth grade.
Q. I will limit the inquiry to since you became an MD.
Cassy Russell, RPR, CRR, CCP
Tulsa, Okla.

All you need
Q. Why is it that you wanted a monthly retainer?
A. Because I’m good looking.
Q. Had to be another reason.
Constance Lee, RPR
Baden, Penn.

Joe Blow, attorney at law
A. The company has written Mr. Lawyer right there a check. And before he got the check they put a hold on the check. If you was getting $500,000 or $500 or $10,000, they put a hold on the check and said now you would have to resubmit an application for your money. But they had made the check out to Joe Blow, the lawyer here, and put a hold on it. But between the hold on the money that he was supposed to get and he didn’t get, he died. They haven’t paid his wife yet.
Q. I presume that the lawyer’s name is not actually Joe Blow. Right?
A. No, he’s not Joe Blow. I’m calling you Joe Blow.
Alan Turboff, RPR
Houston, Texas