The last page: Oh the drama!

THE FORGOTTEN HOBBY

Q. And what are your hobbies aside from riding and shooting?

A. That’s really it. Guns, motorcycles. That’s really it. Hanging out with my friends, going out with my friends.

Q. And now you’ve got your wife?

A. I’ve got my wife, yes. I have to include her, make sure she’s in there.

MR. MILLER: That’s a hobby.

Alan Turboff, RPR, Houston, Texas

NO STANDARDS

Q. Do you know what the standard of care is in Missouri?

A. I have no definition of the standard of care in Missouri.

Mr. Jones: I object to the form of the question. It’s argumentative. There is no standard in Missouri.

Barbara Prindle, RPR, Brunswick, Ga.

QUESTIONS YOU DON’T ASK

Q. You’re not 160 now.

A. I’m like 150-something.

Q. You are?

A. Yes. I know. I’m glad you think it’s hard to believe.

Elsa Jorgensen, Birmingham, Mich.

WISDOM OF EXPERIENCE

Q. How many employees do you currently have?

A. One.

Q. You?

A. Just me. I can’t call my wife an employee because I’ll get killed, but she assists me at times.

Q. You’ve already demonstrated wisdom to me this morning.

Therese Casterline, RMR, CRR, The Colony, Texas

WHICH CAME FIRST?

MR. JONES: I understand that, your Honor. I just think, with all due respect to the Court, I think the Court is putting the egg before the hen. You have to get, with regard to Dr. Green’s affirmation in the motion, you have to get, with regard to his dispute of Dr. Smith’s testimony, from absorption to metabolism. Then you have to get to the effect. And the point is he doesn’t have the egg.

THE COURT: I don’t know what you’re referring to. You’ve lost me in the —

MR. JONES: I’m sorry, your Honor. It’s —

THE COURT: In the metaphor here.

MR. JONES: I get a little too cute for myself.

THE COURT: You know, who is the hen again?

MR. JONES: In other words —

THE WITNESS: I had eggs for breakfast.

MR. JONES: I get a little too cute for myself, I’ll admit that.

Aaron Alweis, RPR, CRR, Binghamton, N.Y.

DARN SOUNDALIKES

Q. You have to answer audibly. I’m sorry.

A. I have to answer oddly?

Q. Audibly.

A. Oh, audibly?

Q. I hope you don’t answer oddly.

Laurie Collins, RPR, Brooklyn, N.Y.

INAUSPICIOUS ENDINGS

Q. About how long were you married in ‘71?

A. I guess about two and a half years.

Q. And how did that marriage end?

A. Roughly.

Barbara Prindle, RPR, Brunswick, Ga.

QUIT CLOWNING AROUND

Q. Do you know how far back you were from the car when you were stopped?

A. No, sir. Just the normal, you know, being in line.

Q. But you never talked to her after the accident?

A. I did, yes.

Q. Okay.

A. Seemed like she was a clown or something.

Q. Was she dressed like a clown?

A. No. That was her business. Seemed like she gave me her card.

Q. She didn’t have like 50 people in her car?

A. No.

Barbara Rosado, RPR, Phoenix, Ariz.

JUST MAKING SURE

Q. Do you remember what date that fall was?

A. October 25, at 8 p.m.

Q. And what year?

A. 2010.

Q. 8 p.m. in the morning or 8 p.m. at night?

A. Night.

Q. Of course. 8 p.m. That was a great question.

Debra A. Dibble, RDR, CRR, CBC, CCP, Salt Lake City, Nev.

CRAZY QUESTIONS

Q. Do you agree that Mr. X said to you the words that he says of himself; in other words, you say you don’t agree that you said what he says you replied, but you accept that he asked you the questions?

A. Sorry, your Honor?

Colleen Stacey, New South Wales, Australia

 

If you’d like to contribute, please send your funny transcript excerpts to Austin Yursik at ayursik@ncra.org.