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The last page: What the lawyer saw

Abbreviations can be fun

A. It’s more of just a feel issue. I know it sounds unscientific to say that, but that’s kind of what it is.
Q. Is that a SWAG?
A. That’s one way to say it.
Q. I’m sorry, let’s clarify that for the court as well. Scientific wild-ass guess?
A. Those are the ones.
Therese Casterline, RMR, CRR
The Colony, Texas

Hey, Boo-Boo
Q. But if we looked at large groups of people and we looked at a large group of obese people compared to a large group of thin people, probably the thin people are going to be more active on average; right?
A. I would say that.
Q. And so in your study, Doctor, you guys didn’t have information to tell you whether it was the activity level or the obesity itself that was really the driving factor in those obese patients that caused them to experience pulmonary embolisms at a higher rate than the average bear?
Q. We would not separate that out.
ATTORNEY JONES: Did you just say “the average bear”?
ATTORNEY SMITH: I did. By which I hope everybody knows I mean the average human.
ATTORNEY JONES: It’s always good to have a Yogi Bear reference in a deposition. “Hey, Boo-Boo, let’s get a pic-a-nic basket.”
Elizabeth A. Tubbert, RPR
Southfield, Mich.
Ready, set …
MR. SMITH: And try not to talk as fast as he talks. It’s really hard for the court reporter to write down. You talk fast.
THE REPORTER: That’s okay.
MR. JONES: I can put you to the test if you want.
THE REPORTER: Go for it. I’m ready. Let’s go.
MR. JONES: Let’s do it.
Denyce Sanders, RPR, CRR
Houston, Texas
What attorneys see
MS. ATTORNEY: I don’t know if you would like to break for lunch, or what you’d like to do?
MR. ATTORNEY: I’m open for whatever people want to do.
THE WITNESS: I’d rather finish it up.
MS. ATTORNEY: Are you okay, Doreen?
MR. ATTORNEY: Doreen’s always okay, she’s like a machine.
(If they only knew how tired I was…)
Doreen Sutton, RPR
Scottsdale, Ariz.
Who’s on first?
A. You have a week, and then the second week is weeks.
Q. But isn’t also the third week weeks?
A. A week plus a week is weeks.
Q. Is a week plus a week plus a week weeks?
A. Maybe to you. A week plus a week is weeks.
Q. So you’re saying for interpretation of the policy language, a week plus a week plus a week does not equal the weeks that’s meant by the policy?
A. I didn’t say that.
Q. So am I wrong that you’re agreeing that a week plus a week plus a week could also be interpreted as the weeks that’s meant by the policy?
A. Absolutely.
Georgeanne “Georgia” Rodriguez, RPR
Orlando, Fla.

Was that a confession?
A. And when we got to the Southfield Freeway, I can’t recall if we had the green light or it was blinking, but he proceeded as he had the green light, the cab driver, on the phone and eating and driving, which I had a problem when I first got in the cab. But anyway, we got to Southfield and Warren, and he proceeded — and the next — the car that was to our left, I seen him coming barreling to my left, the blue car, and we collided. It was just — they both were driving like they had the green light, so I’m not even sure who had the green light, to be honest. But we collided.
THE WITNESS: Oh. We collided.
Elsa Jorgensen
Birmingham, Mich.

Red flag
Of course the attorney (from Texas) was talking a mile a minute and interrupting the witness and opposing counsel, but the witness gets the warning:
Q. To supervise him, correct?
A. Uh-huh.
Q. You have to do it out loud —
A. Yes.
Q. — so Jim can —
A. Sorry.
Q. You get three of those, two time-outs, and then Jim pops you. Just reaches over and hits you. Okay?
Maggie Cole on behalf of Jim Scally, RMR, CRR
Cotuit, Mass.

For want of an idiom
A. And so just, I’ve done a lot of research, a lot of soul-searching. And it just, at this point – at some point, Dr. Brown said, you know, I may have to bite the dust.
MR. SMITH: The bullet.
THE WITNESS: The bullet.
MR. SMITH: We’re all going to bite the dust.
Karen L. Wright, RPR, CRR, CCP
Burlington, Vt.

Watch your words

Q. Your Honor, my name is John Doe. I’m an attorney licensed in the state of Texas, having been licensed since 1978, I believe, which I know is hard for you to believe considering how youthful I look.
THE COURT: Remember, you’re under oath.
Q. (BY MR. DOE) Since I’m under oath, I’ll retract that last comment.
Renee Rape, RPR
Angleton, Texas