LAST LAUGH: Wacky witnesses

 

Follow the money
Q. And California Closet systems are specialized closet systems designed to fit a particular customer’s needs; isn’t that right?
A. That’s often true, yes.
Q. And they’re considered quite expensive?
A. It depends on who is paying for them.
Elsa Jorgensen
Birmingham, Mich.

Who’s in charge
Q. Are you married?
A. Yes.
Q. And do you have to check with your wife on work travel to make sure it’s okay?
A. I have to check with my wife on everything. I am married. Thirty years, brother. I’m married.
Q. Ever been an occasion where she said do your work travel on a different date than you had proposed?
A. Not that I recall.
Q. But you would be considerate of her opinion on that and maybe change your travel if you needed to?
MS. JONES: Calls for speculation. Argumentative.
THE WITNESS: I am considerate of all her requests.
Susan H. Swan, RPR, CRR
San Diego, Calif.
Well, that clears that up!
THE CHECK INTERPRETER: Do you mean “or” or —
THE INTERPRETER: “And,” “and” or “or.”
THE CHECK INTERPRETER: “And” or “or”?
THE INTERPRETER: Which he said “and.”
Your question was “and.”
Laurie Collins, RPR
Brooklyn, N.Y.

Sixth sense
Q. Thank you. So the property slopes west to east, downhill, from the street down the driveway?
A. It slopes from the street down the driveway to the house, down to the arroyo, which to me, not being a geological guy, I’m not sure, but that seems like east to west.
Q. Yes. East to west. Thank you. I was in the Navy and actually drove an aircraft carrier all over the globe. You’d think I could get directions straight.
A. You may have had assistance.
Q. I did. It was computerized, fortunately. My apologies. East to west. Thank you.
MR. STEVENS: Oops. That wasn’t Iran. Oops.
Mary Seal, RDR, CRR
Albuquerque, N.M.

Foot in mouth
ATTORNEY: Your Honor, we don’t anticipate calling Greg Smith. I’m almost certain he’s dead. He would be over 90 years old if he were still alive today. There’s no evidence of him living in Lancaster County.
THE COURT: I have a 92 year old father who still serves as a federal judge.
Elizabeth V. Kedrick, RPR
Honesdale, Pa.

Soup to nuts
Q. Did anyone from the company, Adam, Thomas, Matt, Chris, John, anybody, Larry, Curly, or Moe, anybody tell you this check is for the loss of use of the property?
A. I think I heard it first from Curly. But Moe and Larry knew too.
MR. SMITH: You walked right into that one.
Diana L. Netherton, RPR
Lancaster, Pa.

What’s the word?
Q. So as you sit here right now, other than knowing that Ms. Rose is bringing this claim because she contends that she tripped there, you don’t have any personal knowledge regarding what actually occurred; is that a fair statement?
A. I did not see the incident occur.
Q. Is that a fair statement?
A. Is my statement a fair statement? Yes.
Q. No. Is my statement a fair statement?
A. And your statement was again?
Melanie Wustrau, RMR, CRR
Jensen Beach, Fla.

Dead men don’t talk
A. The primary investigator is going to, nine times out of ten, go to the scene and let somebody else get the information from the deceased party at the hospital.
A. So we always want to get information from them just to make sure they didn’t see anything, maybe, that somebody else didn’t see.
Denyce Sanders, RDR, CRR
Houston, Texas

Stop horsing around
Q. And why do you do that? Just curious.
A. Part of it is letting people get to know their horse. A lot of times when a wrangler comes in, they’re going to try out a couple of different horses and pick the horse that best matches them. The one they liked, the one they can do their job best off of. So when we go on these wrangler rides where we’re doing different training or just kind of going out, we’re getting to — the riders are getting to know the horse, the horse is getting to know the rider and — you know, because they’re going to be spending a lot of time together, so they need to get to know each other in any situation, whether it be walking, running, trotting, going up hills, down hills, through creeks, whatever.
THE REPORTER: Slow down.
MR. BRADFORD: You were starting to gallop.
THE WITNESS: Yeah, I was starting to gallop.
MR. BOSCH: Wasn’t quite as rhythmic, but yeah.
Emily K. Niles, RMR, CRR
Bozeman, Mont.

 

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