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The last page: He said what?

Oil, that is
Q. By the way, you’re familiar with the technical term “Jed Clampett moment”?
A. I read that in Mr. Smith’s deposition. I’m 56 years old and did watch the “Beverly Hillbillies,” so it was not a term that was unbeknown to me.
Q. Fair to say that there was no Jed Clampett moment amid the drilling of the well?
A. No, no shots were fired in the ground, and no bubbling crude came up.
Laurie Collins, RPR
Brooklyn, N.Y.

Married … with children
Q. Okay. Are you married?
A. No.
Q. Do you have any children?
A. No.
Q. So you have lots of money.
Denyce Sanders, RDR, CRR
Houston, Texas

Are you okay?
Q. What are you asking if you walk up to somebody and say, “Are you okay”?
A. You mean the way he has?
Q. I am asking you, if you walk up to somebody that appears to be hurt and you say, “Are you okay,” what are you asking?
A. That means I am asking about how he’s.
Q. He’s what?
A. He is. I said, “Okay,” but I was thinking that I would be asked questions. But no one asked me questions.
Q. No. Please answer my question right now. My question is, if you walk up to somebody and they look like they are hurt and you say, “Are you okay,” what are you doing?
A. That I am asking the person what is.
Q. What is what?
A. How he is.
Q. Okay. And you didn’t understand the officer when he walked up to you and said, “Are you okay,” that he was asking how you were?
A. I didn’t understand that. I was just saying okay, that if no one was dead, the place.
Q. Dead? Who talked about dead?
Michelle Giangualano
Seattle, Wash.

One man’s opinion
Q. Are you still regularly engaging in sexual activity?
A. Regularly, it is — it was beginning to decline.
Q. Okay. And is that because the pills were making her crazy or —
A. Yeah. It’s hard to have sex with a crazy woman. It just — it is.
MR. BLACK: Anybody want to jump in?
MR. GREEN: We can go off the record.
Debra M. Arter, RDR, CRR
Rockledge, Fla.

Old school is cool
Q. Were you using any GPS or TomTom or anything like that at the time you got lost?
A. No. If I had, I wouldn’t have been lost.
Q. Did you have that capability on that tractor to use a navigation system if you wanted to?
A. They don’t provide one for the trucks, you have to use maps.
Q. What’s “maps”?
A. You know, like the old traditional piece of paper, break it out, and atlases and stuff like that. They don’t provide GPS in the vehicles.
Q. I guess I’m getting used to all this technology. I’m assuming “maps” is some sort of an app on a phone or —
A. No, no, no.
Q. You’re talking about the old-school way?
A. No, no, that’s old school, old school.
Renee Bencich, RPR
Galt, Calif.

The purpose-driven attorney
Q. Similarly, when you shake your head or nod your head to communicate to me what your answer might be, I know what you’re intending to say, but I will follow up with you and ask you if that meant a yes or a no and ask you to verbalize your response. Okay?
A. I’ll do my best to verbalize.
Q. Well, I’ll help you. I’m here for a reason.
Carrie Arnold, RPR, CRR
Arvada, Colo.

Hot dad bod
Q. And that just could be because you’ve got an injury to or however much of the belt deployed, maybe because someone’s moving around a little bit, but it could also be loose clothing, I guess; right? If that’s not right, tell me.
A. It usually depends on the clothing. It’s usually not soft clothing; it’s usually soft body, such that there is the inevitable soft tissue, or more accurately fat, that is between you and the belt.
Q. Okay. And to flesh that out a little bit more —
A. Good one.
Q. — what you’re talking about there is the pretensioner not only could take up a little bit of the play in the slack of the belt, but if it’s lying across some large fellow with a beer belly —
MR. JONES: I just object to this question right now.
Robin Nodland, RDR, CRR
Portland, Ore.

On a need-to-hear basis
In one case, the judge suggested that the witness use an assistive-hearing device, because he was having a hard time hearing the questions.
THE COURT: While we’re looking at that, maybe to help things move along, Mr. Smith, I have a system that you may have seen in our courtrooms before that will help you hear better.
THE WITNESS: Don’t tell my wife that.
THE COURT: I’m well aware of that issue.
THE WITNESS: I have selective hearing, Your Honor.
THE COURT: Mary, why don’t you give Mr. Smith —
THE COURT: It can’t hurt.
THE WITNESS: But you won’t tell her that.
THE COURT: I’m not telling her anything. We’ve talked about wives here already. We’re on a need-to-know basis here.
THE WITNESS: It’s like being in Vegas, Your Honor.
THE COURT: Be careful. You’re on the record.
Mary K. Corcoran
South Weymouth, Mass.