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LAST PAGE: Now that’s just silly!

Speaking volumes
Q. If I get too loud, tell me. My wife likes me to use my inside voice, so I don’t mean to be yelling at you.
A. I’m Italian. It’s okay.
Q. Well, I don’t want you to think I don’t have manners, ma’am.
Virginia Dodge
Boston, Mass.

Big or little
Q. Now I’m curious. How big is your ex-wife?
A. Well —
MR. DOE: Or how small? What is her size?

Elsa Jorgensen
Birmingham, Mich.

Spoken well enough
Q You also — you kind of alluded to a minute ago, you speak some other languages other than English; is that correct?
A Yes. Sort of.
Q Okay.
A I think I do.
Q How about the people on the other end?
A They get used to it after a while. It sounds better than — you know, like, I worked in California many years ago in a Hispanic – primarily a Hispanic town, and basically I say that I — you know, that I butchered the Spanish language every day for nine years.
Michelle Giangualano
Seattle, Wash.

It’s not the destination
A. It was, like, my shoulder. And then it was popping. You know, I would catch myself, like, walking like a helicopter. You know what I mean? Because it would just hurt, you know, here and in the back, like my chicken wing.
Q. Okay. So — I’ve lost my train of thought.
A. And I know I caught myself when I fell in the basement. I know I did.
MR. ROGERS: You were thinking whether rooster beak would be an appropriate or efficacious treatment for a chicken wing?
MS. STAUCH: There you go. You’re going to take me further off the track.
Carrie Arnold, RPR, CRR
Arvada, Colo.

Inside out or outside in?
A. I guess you would say it’s like a terrance (sic) — like a terrance they call it.
Q. Terrace?
A. Yes, terrace, that goes to your unit. So you have to go from the outside to the inside to the outside and then when – so I’m on the inside going to the outside to get to my door.
Ellen Muir
Wareham, Mass.
Where did that come from?
Q: Do you know how Ford Motor Company becomes aware of the fact that they need to issue a TSB directing its technicians on how to complete a repair?
MR. JONES: Object to the form.
THE WITNESS: No, I do not.
Q. Okay. Is it your understanding that it comes from someplace other than thin air?
MR. JONES: Object to the form.
THE WITNESS: I would think so.
Debra M. Arter, RDR, CRR
Rockledge, Fla.

Here’s the wind-up, and here’s the pitch

Q. Now, here we are at January 23, 2008, with an alleged injury that happened in late November, 2007; correct? Is it ——
THE COURT REPORTER: I didn’t hear an answer.
MR. ATTORNEY: It really was not a good question.
MR. LAWYER: Was there an answer?
MR. LAWYER: I didn’t hear him say anything.
THE WITNESS: I didn’t think you were through.
MR. ATTORNEY: Let me rephrase it. I wasn’t really looking for an answer there. I was just kind of reciting some facts as background to this question.
MR. LAWYER: Otherwise known as leading. I’m just kidding.
Liebe Stevenson, RMR
Liberty, Mo.

When you’ve been doing this job so long
Mr. Jones: So let’s jump ahead then. I mean, what’s next, Molly?
Court Reporter: Recreational activities?
The Witness: Wow, you gotta ask the reporter what’s next, huh?
The Witness: Holy moly.
Mr. Janis: Can I make a suggestion? Why don’t you just get right to it: How are you doing today?
Mr. Jones: Exactly. How are you doing today?
Marlene “Molly” Ward, RPR
Boise, Idaho
What’s that sound?
The cell phone ring sounded like a duck quacking.
(Phone sounds.)
THE WITNESS: I’m hearing that better more than I hear you right now. I’m sorry.
MR. ATTORNEY: Do you want to hit the mute button or whatever?
THE REPORTER: You killed the duck.
THE WITNESS: I shot the duck.
Sandy Hancock, RPR
O’Fallon, Mo.

I don’t even know what to say about this other than these donuts are so good they affect our ability to spell.

Q. But I want to also point out that if you turn the page to page 4 of the return, which is denoted as Schedule K, as in Krispy — Kreme, I’m sorry.
Laurie Collins, RPR
Brooklyn, N.Y.

Listening skills
Q. BY MR. JONES: Tell me about how that conversation went.
A. I told him she shouldn’t be doing our taxes, and he said it’s easy, we just send her everything and she does it. I said she still shouldn’t be doing them, because I didn’t want anything to do with her.
Q. But he kept doing it?
A. Of course. Do men listen? No.

MR. SMITH: Yes, we do, for the record.
Doreen Sutton, RPR
Scottsdale, Ariz.

Technical terms
Q. If I were to ask you how long it took me to eat dinner last night, would you be able to tell me that approximately?
A. 15 minutes.
Q. So you can approximate that, but if I was to ask you, you wouldn’t know, you’d be guessing. Do you understand?
A. 30 minutes.
Q. No, how much time I was eating dinner last night, not you.
A. You, 30 minutes.
Q. All right. How would you know how long I had dinner for yesterday?
A. Because my husband reads the newspaper and he takes 30 minutes.
Q. No, how much time I was eating dinner last night, not you.
Terri L. Ochipinti, RPR
Mount Holly, N.J.