Last page: Wit and witnesses

A laugh a day
Deponent’s injury was a dog bite.
Q. And your date of birth?
A. October 1, 1932.
Q. Which makes you how old?
A. Old. Older as I sit here.
Q. Hopefully I won’t age you too long while we’re here. Okay?
Later in that same depo:
Q. Do you recall in the few months before September of 2013, just before the incident — you had just moved into the Spring Ridge facility — can you tell me what your daily routine would have been at that point?
A. Well, I’d still be walking because I was just used to doing that. And either a water exercise in the pool that’s there — or not — daily, depending on how many bodies there were in the pool. And so I wasn’t just sitting.
And I always walked downstairs. And I’m on the third floor in that place. And it’s a long walk to the elevator. Very long. I’m thinking of contacting the airport and seeing if I can rent one of their moving sidewalks.
Later in that same depo:
Q. What I’d like to do, if it’s okay, could I take a look at your leg now?
A. Yes. It isn’t Betty Grable. It never was.
Juliane Petersen
Beaverton, Ore.

Define your terms
A. It was a phrase people used called “morning sickness,” which is where it would take longer to stop the vehicle in the morning than was expected or was normal because the linings would absorb moisture overnight.
Q. So it had nothing to do with pregnant women?
A. Correct.
Q. Okay.
MR. DOE: Unless they were in the car.
MR. SMITH: That’s true.
Elsa Jorgensen
Birmingham, Mich.

Don’t take it for granted
Q. Do you think you’ll be working five years from now at XYZ Company?
A. If I am alive, yes.
Q. Do you have concerns about your health where you think you may not be alive in five years?
A. If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
Q. Do you hope to be alive in five years?
A. What if I’m going to die right now in front of you?
Q. That would be horrible. I’m asking if you hope to be alive in five years.
A. It’s real easy to ask this question when you’re 26, but when you’re over 60, every day counts.
Therese J. Casterline, RMR, CRR
The Colony, Texas

How to keep a secret
A. All I know is, right across the freeway on Wyoming, it’s before you get to that Circle K and that 7-Eleven right there.
MR. JONES: You hang out there a lot, don’t you?
MS. JACKSON: All the time, yes.
A. Really?
Q. (By Ms. Jackson) No.
A. I was going to say, “Wow.”
MR. JONES: It’s now on the record that she does.
MS. JACKSON: Now the world knows.
Mary Abernathy Seal, RDR, CRR
Albuquerque, N.M.

What happens in Florida
THE COURT: Is there anything about your experience as a juror on the civil case back in Florida that would affect your ability to be fair and open-minded here?
PROSPECTIVE JUROR NO. 6: Other than hating it, no.
THE COURT: Well, we will do our best to give you a much better experience.
PROSPECTIVE JUROR NO. 6: It wasn’t like — I understand everything, but it was mostly — I didn’t trust the people that were on the jury.
THE COURT: Well, I can see that the people here are much more trustworthy.
PROSPECTIVE JUROR NO. 6: It was Florida.
THE COURT: There’s that.
Desiree Tanner, RPR
Long Beach, Calif.

Culture clash
THE COURT: Okay. Question 14 is the question about whether you’ve served as a juror in a criminal case or on a grand jury before.
PROSPECTIVE JUROR: When I was living in Maryland, when I just came to the country and got my citizenship, I was in some case when guy took a hammer and somebody cut him off and he broke the window of the car. You know, it was obvious, you know. It was obvious case he was guilty, but I was afraid they would put him in the prison, because he’s crazy; he has to go to mental house. Right?
THE COURT: So this case doesn’t involve any kind of assaults or any —
PROSPECTIVE JUROR: Yeah, good.
THE COURT: — of the kind of conduct that you talked about. Is there anything about that experience that would make it difficult for you to be fair and impartial to the defendant in this case?
PROSPECTIVE JUROR: You know what can be said on that that — you know, I’m from Soviet Union. For me, corruption is okay.
(Laughter)
PROSPECTIVE JUROR: It’s like maybe if they don’t kill each other, I am on his side, probably.
THE COURT: Okay. So as — I will instruct you on what the law is in this case.
PROSPECTIVE JUROR: Yeah.
THE COURT: And whether somebody — whether the Defendant in this case has broken the law and violated the law, that would be a decision for you as a juror if you’re selected. Would you have any trouble applying the law as I instruct you to in this case?
PROSPECTIVE JUROR: I don’t know, but I don’t want to.
THE COURT: I’m not sure what you mean, you don’t want to.
PROSPECTIVE JUROR: Because it’s too much responsibility to, you know, to take on myself to blame somebody or judge someone.
THE COURT: Counsel, any questions?
Bryan Wayne
Washington, D.C.

Spelling bee
Q. What is the current name?
A. I believe it’s A&T.
Q. ANT?
A. No, A and sign T. I guess she can’t see that, can she?
MR. SMITH: I think you meant ampersand.
MR. JONES: Ampersand, yeah.
Q. A and sign T, not A and sign — AT and sign T but A and sign T. All right.
Laurie Collins, RPR
Brooklyn, N.Y.