The last page: What you don’t know

Unlicensed

Q. Who was conducting hypnosis?

A. I was.

Q. Are you licensed to do hypnosis?

A. There’s no such license.

Q. How do you go into the hypnosis business?

A. I could tell you, but you would have to look directly into my eyes.

Therese Casterline, RMR, CRR

The Colony, Texas

 

Fast learner

Q. Have you ever had any other — let me start over. If I say the words “strike that,” it’s a dumb pair of words that lawyers get used to because when we’re in trial, we make a mistake, we want the record to be removed of that portion. And I apologize for using it because it’s not — it’s not really a common phrase. If I say it, what I mean is “don’t answer that.” Let me start all over again. Does that make sense?

A. Yes.

Q. Other than the October 2008 injury, have you ever sustained any injury at home, at school, doing anything, that required more than first-aid treatment?

A. No.

Q. For example —

A. Oh, strike that.

MS. BOSQUEZ-FLORES: You learn fast.

MR. MILLER: That was good.

THE WITNESS: When I was a child, around eight or nine, I broke my arm.

Ron Laing, RPR

Fresno, Calif.

 

Choices, choices

Q. What other weapons do you have?

A. .22 Marlin rifle.

Q. When was that purchased?

A. It wasn’t.

Q. Gifted to you?

A. No.

Q. Stolen?

A. No.

MR. ATTORNEY: He just slipped that right in there on you.

Nancy Toner, RPR

Exton, Pa.

 

The fall of the American empire

This was from the testimony of a 77-year-old Greek woman.

Q. For any reason, do you take Valium or a generic of that pill?

A. No generic or nothing. I don’t take Valium.

Q. All right.

A. I don’t believe in that.

Q. Okay.

A. That’s why the American is going to hell.

Q. So no Valium?

A. No shit.

Maureen Doty

Anaheim, Calif.

 

Compliments will get you everywhere

MR. JONES: Form, foundation. I don’t know what you’re asking.

MR. GREEN: You don’t need to. He does.

MR. JONES: Well, wait. I’m not a potted plant here. You have to pose an appropriate —

MR. GREEN: I wasn’t suggesting you were. If you were, you’re a potted plant with a very nice-looking tie.

MR. JONES: Well, thank you.

Elsa Jorgensen

Birmingham, Mich.
A growing vocabulary

Q. Okay. And the investigation of drugs — just want to get this right — was based upon somebody else having had a tooter? Is that correct?

THE COURT: What did you say? A tooter?

DEFENSE ATTY: Yes.

THE COURT: Somebody was helping them with their (inaudible)…

DEFENSE ATTY: A pen tooter, your — well, the officer can testify.

THE COURT: Yeah, I don’t know what a tooter —

DEFENSE ATTY: What is a pen tooter?

A. It —

THE COURT: The only tooter I know is my wife. Okay.

THE WITNESS: It’s, uh, drug slang for a tube that they use to smoke pills or —

THE COURT: Okay.

THE WITNESS: — snort pills or anything else.

THE COURT: Learn somethin’ new every day.

Keri Veare, RPR, CPE

Hayden, Idaho

 

Calling long distance

Q. Do you have anybody who will testify to that on behalf of ABC?

A. Yes.

Q. Who would that be?

A. Tom Smith —

Q. You had discussions with him about that?

A. — and David Jones.

MR. BLACK: Is Tom Smith alive?

THE WITNESS: No. Tom died. Thank you. Yeah, it’d be hard to get Tom to testify.

MR. BROWN: We could try to call him, I guess.
Chelsey Horak
Omaha, Neb.

 

Time capsule

I had a 90-year-old witness who was remembering details from events that occurred before I was born! Below is the last Q/A on the record with her.

Q. And I learned this lesson a long time ago, that you never ask a woman about her age, but I am going to ask you for the record. How old are you, ma’am?

A. How old am I?

Q. Yes.

A. Ninety.

Q. Ninety years old, okay. So you were born in 1924?

A. Right.

Q. Okay. And are you presently under a doctor’s care for dementia, Alzheimer’s, or any other mental disease?

A. No. My marbles are not rolling yet.

Q. That’s a fair answer, ma’am.

Lisa M. Schwarze, RPR

Lexington, Ky.

 

Ask the obvious

Q. And why did you start taking the blood pressure medication?

A. For high blood pressure.

Denyce Sanders, RPR, CRR

Houston, Texas